Passion Killerr

     Hell no, shut the fuck of Kesha-dolla-sign. You're so overplayed. Just go away!
  
     I haven't been on here in forever but now that I am currently unemployed (thank merciful god) and that my stress levels have gone down and I have more spare time, I'm planning on being here more often. If not posting, than at least reading everyone else's blogs and commenting because that's obviously what I do best, right?

     Money is stressing me out so much right now that I just tend to hand out my debit card when I have to and hope to god I can fall asleep fast that night so I don't have to stay up and think about it constantly.
 
     There is now 73 days, 16 hours, and 8 minutes left till I'm moving to Alberta. Sometimes I find myself crying in bed over how much I'm going to miss this place, my room, my bed, and just the little things my parents do for me. I'm not ready at all to move out on my own but I'm as ready as I ever will be. I feel like if I don't do it now, I never will. I can't stand it. I try not to think about it.

     Oi, that picture came out bigger than I thought it would. Oh well. Went to he beach in Parksville today with Arielle, Nelly, and Amy. We took tons of pictures. It was nice to get out of town.
     I put my two weeks in yesterday at work. My last day is April 21st and you have no idea how excited I am. The downside about today? After going through all of the photos put on facebook, I've realized just how big I've let myself get. It's disgusting.

     I just realized what would make me super happy right now. A trip to the city. I'd be happy with Victoria, maybe go see a few friends and what not. I'd be more than happy for just a simple trip to the museum. I used to love it there when I was little, especially the Mammoth. I both adored it and feared it. I could never muster up the courage to go right up the glass. I had to admire it from across the room, as far as I could. Whenever we had to pass it to get to the next exhibit, I'd run. That's how wonderful and intimidating it was to a six year old.

     Even just a night out though or walking through the downtown shops. Maybe a water taxi ride to the hotel at the end of the night. I'd have a place to wear my nice dresses and stilettos too and be able to fit it.      I just need to get out of this town and Nanaimo is still to close. I need to go to a city further beyond that, Victoria is perfect. Vancouver, I usually want to kill myself after two hours in that place. I just need a getaway trip.

     I think the world would be such an easier, more relaxed place if people had the power to just sleep for as long as they wanted. So they could just get past all of life's stupid concerns and just forget all about them.
     I'd sleep until June. Than I'd quit my job and start living life for a bit until I could move to Alberta in July. Last night I had the biggest melt down that I've had in awhile. No one can help me though. I've done the whole counselling thing and it didn't do much. I'm so stuck right now that I feel like I need someone to physically help me instead of just telling me what to do. And that takes a lot for me to saying seeing as I strive for independency, always have.

     I'm just so sick of everything. Make it stop.

     Who doesn't like getting mail? Just wondering if anyone is up to penpalling. I live in Canada... if that means anything to you? It'd just be nice to have someone to write too when I need to unleash secrets. There's always something comforting about spilling everything to a complete stranger because you know that they don't know or or know anyone you know therefore, nothing will get out.

     Plus, who doesn't like starting random friendships with people you don't know?

     By the way, I'm actually a 43 year old male with a pedophile record... =]